Wanting, Wishing, Waiting...

I Know I promised a blog post last night, but I was so exhausted from the time change that I was out like alight bulb by 8! Gosh that makes me feel old.

Any ways, updates in the life of the Betteridge home!

We have been working our lives away it seems like. so much so that we both ended up working on our anniversary! But thankfully, we got off of work in enough time to at least spend the evening together over a nice dinner. can I just say how strange it is to say I have been married to my hunk of a husband for 3 years already? I know you veterans out there are like "Psshh! that's nothing! try 50!" But I mean, through everything Phil and I have endured and had our own individual trials, it feels like  it's already been an eternity. But How grateful I am to have been blessed with a husband who loves me as unconditionally as he does. He wants so much to give us the life he knows our little family deserves and I see him pushing for that every day. Its hard for me to look at him and think of my life before he came into my life. He has been nothing but a rock, and I can't believe i am lucky enough to have him in my life. 

He is also so thoughtful! He got us last minute tickets to fly dow to California to have 2 days at Disneyland! For those of you who know Phil, anytime I break out in Disney song, or quotes, or what ever, he will more than likely roll is eyes and sigh. So the fact that he was WANTING to go down to Disneyland,  was so sweet I couldn't help but be excited and thrilled. 

We got down to LAX (which by the way, NEVER EVER EVER going there again) friday night after work. We had plans to be at the park when it opened the next morning, and laid out the plans for how we would hit everything! Basically, was ride single rider on anything we could, along with getting fast passes. we hit California adventure first and had a blast! We got to ride everything we wanted by about 11 and decided to head over to Disneyland. We also got to meet up with Lacey and her Now Fiance! (I Know crazy right!? we are very excited for them) By the end of the day, 6 o clock, we kind of hit a wall, and by a wall i mean that the Lobster Nachos and Churros finally caught up to us and we felt like we were Violet from Willy Wonka. We decided to head back to the hotel and just hang out and hit the parks again early on Sunday. And we did the same thing again on sunday, but more leisurely. With our 7 am flight the next morning, we again decided to leave the park early to get home in time to get a full nights rest. We had so much fun enjoying a weekend, wearing our Happy Anniversary Pins, and spending time together in one of the happiest places on earth.

Halloween wasn't really eventful for us seeing as how I had school and phil had work. We did get to spend a few hours with friends playing some games, but nothing truly exciting there. 

But October was eventful in another aspect of our lives as well. In my previous post I indicated I was going to be seeing a specialist in regards to endometriosis possibilities and Phil and I trying to get pregnant. I ended up seeing a new OBGYN all together just to get a second opinion on the issues i was dealing with. Upon expressing my concern with my symptoms I was going through, He immediately jumped into multiple fertility tests and blood tests. I can't remember a time when I was poked and prodded so much. It seemed like test after test for hours. Now as you know, endometriosis is not diagnosed without surgery. My Doctor recommended that I speak with one of the doctors at the University's Fertility Clinic to set up a procedure/consultation, but also that he was going to forward all my test results to this doctor as well, because he didn't believe it was just a possible endometriosis diagnosis. 

So I waited to set up a consult because I wanted to know what any of these tests would say and if I should have been concerned. All of my Annual exams came back normal. So I felt safe, until I saw that my urine and Blood tests came back as well. When I looked at the results, I was first a little confused, I didn't understand what I was reading. Thankfully, I am sure my doctor knew I would be confused and laid out the explanation. 

If I wanted to get pregnant, I needed to have Progesterone. Normal Progesterone ranges for women my age during ovulation should have been around 25+

Mine was a 9.

That's the normal range for a woman who is not ovulating. My blood was drawn in the middle of my ovulation cycle.

 So I sat there, looking at my 9. Wondering how in the world is this number so significant and devastating? To make matters worse, I got these results on Mine and Phil's wedding anniversary. How do I tell my Husband, who wants to be a father more than anything in the world, that his wife is not ovulating enough to give them a fighting chance of conceiving? And Even then, there is a high risk of miscarriage? This was not what we wanted to hear. But Phil, being the rock that he is, has remained positive and has been nothing but supportive during this. 

When speaking to him about everything, My doctor said that if I am meeting with a specialist to get a endometriosis diagnosis/consultation, he would also be able to look into the low progesterone levels, but not be able to treat them with out first diagnosing endometriosis for fear of aggravating the endometriosis if it was present, but reassured me that low progesterone would be a much easier fix than endometriosis.

Needless to say, it has been a very emotional month for me. I have sat and cried to my heavenly father, begging him to just take the pain away and heal my body so that I can have a child of my own, to hold and love. I have also(embarrassingly) been angry for a little bit, with this body I have and frustrated that it isn't doing what it was designed to do. Even with my husband telling me over and over again that it isn't my fault, I can't help but feel it is. This is why I have been so thankful to have prayer in my life. Even though I feel that my prayers are sometimes complaints and anguish, I know they are heard and I know they are answered, just maybe not in the way I wanted them to be answered. It has strengthened my testimony of faith that much more knowing that some how my prayers will be answered.

So Tomorrow I meet with the specialist to set up a surgery date and further consult on the progesterone levels. we are hoping to have it done by the end of the year, closer to christmas So That I can have an answer going into the new year. 

Hopefully I have more pleasant news for ya'll when I post again!